I feel the need to write about Jenny's 38th Birthday celebration. I'm sorry that I have not written about my time with Jenny sooner, but I wanted to take the time to dwell in the graciousness of Our Lord. More importantly though, I let myself, for the first time, truly feel like Jenny wanted me.

This was the 3rd Birthday that I have been with Jenny and it went so smoothly that it surprised all of us, I think... we even had fun in the kitchen cooking potato pancakes. Her Mom commented to my Aunt Darlene, "Look at those two in the kitchen; they are having a lot of fun.” This is the first time I have let myself get that close to Jenny out of fear of rejection; I felt so wanted and comfortable with Jenny’s parents as well as Jenny, Larry, Chloe' and Macey. The night before Jenny's Birthday, I prayed that God would help make the day special for the two of us. Previous to this year, I had tried to hibernate or would put on a mask to get through her birthday. I'm going to share with you what I said and did; I can't believe that I had never even told my husband this story before August 19, 2003.

When I left the Salvation Army Unwed Mothers home, a girlfriends parents, whom I knew from church, took me into their home for 2 weeks and gave me a little money to find a room in a boarding house (which I found in the worst part of Oklahoma City). I didn't care where it was because I needed to get on with my life. There were seven single rooms in this boarding house and all of us had to share the same bathroom. I had one electric hot plate to plug in and that's what I cooked on so I would have warm food to eat whenever I had the money. I was also living on the bus line ... I tell you this because it pertains to my story. I graduated from high school at the age of 16 and, before I got pregnant, I went to business school. Because of that schooling, I decided to apply with the Kelly Girls Temporary Agency. I took their typing tests and was hired immediately but could only take whatever job there was on a bus line.

With my first paycheck, I went to a little store off the bus route (I don't even remember the name of the store). I saw this small round pewter piece of jewelry with 2 teddy bears on top and a silver necklace with one pewter teddy bear on it and a matching set of pewter teddy bear pierced earrings. I knew someday I would be able to give this jewelry to Jenny, or at least I prayed I would. At Jenny's birthday celebration this year, I was last to give Jenny her present and I began by telling her the story about how I came to get that present just for her in 1965.

I explained to Jenny how I hoped that I would see her soon but instead I learned that I was forced to give her up under very difficult circumstances. I know that many of you who have been to my website know I was brought up in a very toxic environment so, after saying that, maybe you will understand why I thought I would get to see my Jenny... because I did not know that I had signed my rights away to her. I just knew I would get her back or at least that's what I'd originally been told.

As I told my story to all present at the Birthday party, they could not believe that I had kept that gift for 38 years to give to Jenny. There were a lot of tears around the table. With Our Lords presence and Comforting Hand, I was able to tell the whole story of how I didn't know that I had relinquished my rights to the child I loved until a couple months after I tried to find her. I was devastated but I knew that I had to go on with my life and continue work. I had to; I had no choice. I wanted to keep it very simplistic because that was where my heart was and I was willing to go with as little as necessary for those first couple of weeks just so I could give my Jenny the present I had especially picked out for her.

This story opened up her heart on her Special Day, or perhaps it was already opened but neither of us was able to communicate our fears and hesitations openly. Her parents welcomed me with open arms from the very beginning but Jenny didn't know what to do and I was not going to push her into wanting me in her life. I wouldn't allow myself to get to Cloud 9 when I found her because I knew in my heart she could or would reject me. It wasn't until this year, Jenny's 38th Birthday, that I felt the peace that comes with reaching Cloud 9.

What an awesome feeling this sense of inner peace is; I honestly never thought it was one I'd experience when it came to Jenny and me ... I sure am glad that I was wrong.

Bonnie Geddes